After our intro session, the Crossfit people sent us a follow up email with some info and some simple exercises to do until we decided to join up (rather a cheeky assumption surely?).
The exercises comprised squats, push ups and crunches with the beginner’s version being 30 of each, 20 of each then 10 of each. I gave them a go on Sunday night and posted the outcome on Facebook: not pretty.
The net result is that I’ve spent the last 2 days walking around like a penguin, saying ‘oof’ when collapsing into chairs and groaning when trying to stand up.
There is a very Scottish verb – to ‘hirple’ which perfectly illustrates the attempt to walk in this contracted state – a sort of grandad shuffle. Neil watches me tottering around and says helpful things like ‘aye well, auld age dis’nae come alane’* and I want to brain him with a blunt object.
We’ve decided not to do the Crossfit thing – ‘old and knackered’ probably isn’t their target demographic, plus the email was a bit snippy, so it was an easy decision for us to keep our $375 a month and spend it elsewhere.
I have my fingers crossed that the dosh is going to nosedive straight into my Business Class Travel to Europe Jam Jar (current contents: $65.50) but Neil may take some persuading. Especially as he’ll be left in Economy ha ha ha.
So tonight, in gratitude for not having to go to Crossfit, I decided to have another go at the squats/pushups/crunches. I timed myself – not having bothered on Sunday thinking I wouldn’t even finish.
Of course, tonight was worse. Within 2 minutes I thought my head was going to explode.
Doing 30 squats isn’t funny – well it’s probably hilarious if you’re standing watching. But then there was 30 pushups: I cheated to get through these. There was no 90 degree angle with the arms, no chest to the floor; it was a 5 degree bend – if I got my chest onto the floor I wasn’t confident I could get it back up again. Then 30 crunches. I should have just done 30 in total but thought that would be cheating (idiot), plus I was feeling guilty about the pathetic push ups. So I did 30 straight sit ups then 30 to each side. Repeat whole thing again. And again.
So that’s: 60 squats, 60 push ups and a bazillion crunches. It took 15 minutes, 36 seconds and 9 nanobots.
Pass me a glass of Sav Blanc immediately. I deserve it.
*In the Queen’s English: old age doesn’t come alone. A typically grim, dour, Scottish approach to life.