Kathryn had had a makeover at Estee Lauder. I was too late to book but she said they would do a 2 minute makeover if I asked.
Having decided that eyeliner is Just What I Need Right Now to Make My Life Perfect, I trotted up to the shops and hit the EL counter in high anticipation of a premier experience.
There was no-one there except a late 50s-ish EL person with a bit of Hammer horror going on – lipstick overdrawn round her lips, randomly applied blusher and way too much eye make up which had become rather smudged after a long day spent on very high heels, which must have been murder on her corns.
I said that my friend had had a makeover yesterday and that she’d mentioned they were offering 2 minute make overs. She looked at me as though I was completely stupid and didn’t say anything. So I asked ‘are you’? She said ‘what?’.
The voice in my head said ‘walk away right now ’.
We finally got some joint understanding on what a 2 minute make over might look like (eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara) and she got started. She didn’t look too happy though.
But I’ll give her this: once she got going, she was very enthusiastic. The eyeshadow went on like she was painting the side of the Queen Mary. The mascara took aaaaggggeeessss to apply but didn’t seem to make any difference, as my eyes had disappeared under all the eyeshadow.
Then we were onto the piece de resistance, the eyeliner. She was wearing some herself – it was trowelled on like the road markings down the Hume Highway so I had an inkling of what was coming.
I didn’t want to look in the mirror. I wasn’t going to look like the the picture of Liz Hurley that was unfortunately beside me.
She said ‘what do you think’? She was obviously pleased with her work and I didn’t want to be rude, so said that I didn’t think it really worked for me.
She looked disappointed. I left without buying anything and after asking her to remove it all.
It wasn’t until I spoke to one of the Bobbi Brown girls that I realised that this poor woman wasn’t actually a make up artist, she just rang stuff up on the till. But because no-one else was there, she was trying to be helpful. I felt terrible.
A lesson learned on both sides I think (definitely on mine).