Thursday – Week 4 – The Hideous Truth Pt 2

Today was 40 minutes non-stop.   It was a strange experience; just a slog.  No ‘wow I’ve done something amazing’, I just felt flat.

Have been thinking about it all day and realised that I’m in the grief cycle.

There’s definately been tons of SHOCK & DENIAL. The shock took the form of retreating into a la-la land of ‘oh yes I can run a half marathon’ without really thinking through what might be involved. The denial has been mainly on Neil’s side (HOW much money for 2 pairs of trainers and what about all these socks you’ve been buying? Well? Well?).

Moving on into the ANGRY phase:  ooooh, lots of denial here:  ‘I’m sure that if I keep trying it’ll get better soon’, ‘this will help me lose 10kg’, ‘I need more socks’ and ‘ice cream is the breakfast of champions’ (I can explain that one).

DEPRESSED:  been there.  The loneliness and self-pity (I’m all on my own; nobody understaaaands etc etc – there’s a lavish production of Half Marathon – the Opera going on in my head).  The ocasional panic (‘I’m going to make a complete fool of myself’ and ‘I really have no idea how far 21kms is, do I??’) . No guilt whatsoever.  I am completely at ease with my shoe and sock buying decisions.

DETACHED:  spending lots of time in here resigned and apathetic.  It’s crap.  I ran 40 minutes non-stop this morning (I may have already mentioned this) and felt completely fed up.  It wasn’t until later in the day when I’d cheered up a bit and realised what I’d actually achieved: 4 weeks ago I could barely run for 3 minutes, now I can do 40 minutes.  That’s amazing.

I’ll probably wallow around in depressed and detached for a while longer but I can feel it starting to lift already.

Going out for a run tonight to see how far I can get round Iron Cove in 40 minutes.

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7 comments

    1. Thanks – I am quite chuffed now that I’ve got over the shock. Socks: I can never find any. Neil says I should try learning to use the washing machine (no chance).

  1. Grace, Grace, Grace…just keep remembering there is also a phase called ELATION! You are being far too hard on yourself. As you said , when you kicked off you could barely run 3 mins and now you can do 40. That’s about the same time as it take to find something in aisle 6 at Woollies and so I think I know what you would rather tbe doing with your time. Keep on keeping on! MC

    1. Thanks Michael for always being so supportive and positive about the whole thing.

      Aisle 6 in Woolies is a parallel universe of some kind I think. I’ve lost days of my life in there….

    1. It’s sort of Woolies but not. More like a Scottish Safeway but without the choice. Definately a parallel universe sort of thing.

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